The running commentary in my life is that I don’t want to adult.

I truly look up to those that seemingly have their shit together. I always feel like the dipshit that’s just pretending to be a grown up. Everyone is out dancing away and I’m the asshole against the wall playing with my hair pretending I’m not bothered.

There is a very work-driven side to me and I do take that seriously. Most of the time it looks like I’m jerking around, which I do quite a bit, but there is so much on my plate at any given moment, I feel like I’m juggling chainsaws.

We’re getting into “testing season” but don’t call it that. We’re not a testing district and we pride ourselves on that. That’s been said. That’s a lie, but whatever. The last few months of school is always the most stressful on everyone.

For whatever reason, this year has been a monster. There are so many different variables that is causing so much strife, that I can’t pinpoint exactly what is causing this stress. It truly started the first day of school. We are bursting at the seams and the admin doesn’t seem to care in the slightest.

As the former little town that I work in grows, the resources are being stretched to their limits. Other places seem to be adjusting, but nope, not us. I don’t think anything is going to happen until we have pods and trailers set up on the playground.

Yes, it’s that bad.

When there are six sections of a grade level and only five specials classes, that means thirty-three five year-olds crammed into an art room or a computer lab. While these teachers scream, understandably, for help, specials teachers are told there are no resources to help them.

Most of the time is spent on redirection and trying to get the classroom under control. When I was in the computer lab, it was much easier because kids fucking love technology. While it was insane, I rarely dealt with the discipline issues my coworkers had.

Since the bestie is still pumping, I have been covering her art class for a half hour every day. Half. Hour. It is the most stressful half hour of my day. The amount of disrespect I encounter in that half hour is staggering and frustrating.

I am almost thankful that I don’t have my classes anymore. Almost.

Which brings me to my next thing.

The parents. Good god. What has happened and what is happening? So many of my coworkers are having the most problems this year with the parents and not the kids. The kids can be problems, yes, but that’s why we’re all there. Let them fly, man. They need to learn. There are going to 30 year old adults having their parents call their bosses, I swear.

My office coworker took a phone call from a parent and that parent cussed her out up one wall and down the other. I told her the next time this parent calls, give me the phone. I have worked retail and have been a bartender. I can turn on the charming secretary voice while also being passive-aggressive-condescending.

If you have ever worked in retail or with the general public, you know the special voice I’m talking about. It makes my coworkers/friends laugh because well, that’s not me. Usually when I’m greeting my friends I say, “‘Sup asshole?” or something to that effect.

The parent called and my coworker took the call and transferred it to the bosses VM. She looked at me and said, “She’s going to call right back.” Sure as shit, she did. I told her to scoot over and I was taking it.

Wow, this bitch. I could tell right off the bat that she was gearing up for a fight or trigger to go off. Trust me, I love a good argument. LOVE IT. However, for whatever reason, I really enjoy killing people with kindness. It’s much more fun. I’ve used this tactic with Twitter trolls about politics and we end up exchanging recipes or grilling tips. True story.

I refuse to let strangers get to me. The phone call lasted a good 10 minutes and I refused in the nicest way possible to let her have her way. No, I’m not going to get my boss at this very minute and no, I’m not going pull your child’s teacher from her class. Sorry, sister.

Her: “WELL WHO CAN I TALK TO?!”
Me: “Ma’am, you are more than welcome to talk to me and I will relay your message.”
Her: *verbal diarrhea*

Yeah, I said that and my coworkers were seriously trying not to laugh audibly. The trick is to sit comfortably and smile when you talk. Your bullshit shines brighter that way.

I finally hung up and received high fives from a now audience listening to my bullshit orchestra. Yeah, they were well-deserved. The sad thing is, her kid is precious and I adore him. He is a product of his environment and it’s very sad. The sadder part is that I know he’s not going to be in our school for long. These people are like nomads but really shitty ones. They move from place to place, sucking up resources, probably conning people or fucking them over one way or the other, and move on.

It seems to be a growing trend in at least my school.

Basically, the day was a dumpster fire with tires thrown on for extra fun.

I’m greedy because I just had a four-day weekend and all I want in life, is for the world to just fuck off for a few months.

I love my kids and they are amazing. The adults are what’s killing the joy.